“What is the point?” The question throbbed through my head again and again.
After piles of rejections, minimal acceptances, blank pages stared at, hours of time wasted wondering and thinking, that one question kept popping up in my head.
That question brought tears to my eyes and frustration to in my soul. That question made me want to throw my laptop across the room, crawl into bed and not look at anyone for days. That one question made me interrogate so much more of what I had been pouring my heart into this past year. That one question brought me to deep feelings of despair and anxiety.
After weeks of the question popping up in the back of my mind and days of the question coming closer and closer to surface, I didn’t have the strength to keep it any longer. I had to let it out – to speak the words.
So I did - to my dear and loving husband. Who responded with another question (the annoyance of this seemed to surpass me just this once.)
“Are you writing to be acknowledged by others?”
This question cut me deep - Deeper than the first one. I wanted to say no of course not. I was writing for me, I was writing because I loved it.
I write because of the desire that I have to. I write because I want to share my words, whoever comes in contact with them – hoping to somehow encourage and inspire. I write because it is a passion and possibly a talent God has blessed me with. So I write. Where that takes me? It shouldn’t matter.
But I let it. I let it matter who read my writing and how many read my writing. I let it matter who cared. And I let the opinions of others, the mark of others, matter more than my own writing. It dawned on me. I was no longer writing out of passion. I was writing to please. I was writing for the acceptance of others.
It had to stop.
Write because you love it. Write because it is your passion. Write because you were given this desire. Don’t allow others’ remarks, comments, and rejections measure your worth in writing. You are a writer simply because you declare yourself a writer and you have embarked on this journey of writing. Do not let others change this opinion of yourself. Do not allow this to prevent you from pursuing this dream and passion.
*Perhaps this is true for you in another passion or desire that God has given you. Perhaps you love cooking extravagent meals, or maybe your passion lies in crafting beautiful pieces. It could be the love for fitness training or the adoration for the outdoors. Whatever it is -- do it simply because of the desire to do so. Work on it because of the urge God has placed in you. And above all, work on it for the glory of His name, not for the praise from others.