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Friday, November 20, 2015

The Stay-at-Home Mom Battle

Even though it is unintential on both sides, I can feel it and I can hear it through the many different conversations I have with moms: The battle of the working mom vs. the stay-at-home mom.

I was confident in my decision to mostly stay at home with my kids.  I was confident because this is what my mom did, this is what my husband's mom did, but above all this is what I believe works best for my family.  I am in no way against working moms - in fact I often look at them with awe - they are extremely hard-working, driven, dedicated, committed, and love their kids just as much as I love mine.

My confidence began to disintegrate as my maternity leave was close to ending and the question of 'What is next?' was asked in so many different ways by so many different people.  Then on top of that, the working mom bond was made around me, and I felt less worth, less capability, and much less like I was doing the right thing.  Thoughts surrounded my mind of 'laziness', 'incompetence', and many more.  This must be what working moms think of me.  Suddenly many of my mom friends that I got together with on a regular basis were working and I was home, with a much smaller group of friends readily available for playdates and a lot more at home slow days.

Did I make the right decision?  Am I truly doing what is best for my family...for me?

I have not decided on my future plans.  I don't know if I will continue to be a stay-at-home mom for the rest of the time my kids grow up.  I don't evenknow if I will go to work in the next few months.

But right now, I am a stay at home mom.  And that's okay.  It IS okay.  That element of compare had begun to creep into my mind and I needed to take a step back. (Read my article on The Dangers of Comparison.)  I needed to take a step to think and look over my life, my choices, my family.  It isn't about any other mom or what works for them.  It is simply about what God has planned for me -- which may look extremely different from all the other moms.

In the end, it isn't a battle between the different moms - it is an inward battle of confidence in yourself and your decision vs. the insecurities that you let yourself soak in.

*Stay at home moms - Lets not let these lies creep in.  Lets not let these demeaning phrases take over.  Lets be confident in what we chose...for what God had planned for us and our families.*


8 comments:

  1. It can be such a tough decision, and a lot of times you won't know what you truly want until you're in the middle of it. I'm staying home until my kids are in school. That's the plan unless I change my mind. I'm lucky my husband is so supportive!

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    1. It's true...this is why I say I don't know what I will be doing, even in a few months time. It's honestly very much a month by month decision! And YES - supportive husbands are wonderful!! :)

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  2. I had a really hard time with this after my 1st was born....I missed working, I missed adult interaction and mostly, I think I just missed the gratification I got from being praised by other people. Now that I have 3, I am so thankful for the opportunity to stay at home with them and have found great relationships with other moms (both working and non) who support and love each other. It's all about balance and what works best for your own family. :)

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    1. Definitely! Balance is key. Thanks for reading! :)

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  3. I would give anything to not care what others thought about my decision or what they said about stay-at-home moms, but even knowing I did the best thing for our family I still question myself. I feel very blessed that it has worked out so far and I hold on to that every day.

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    1. It is so hard not to question yourself and your own decisions isn't it? Which isn't neccessarily a bad thing...but it is when we let that overcome our self confidence. Going from what you said about feeling blessed that it has worked out so far makes me think that one way we can overcome this is simply by writing down a list of thanksgiving for the positives that have come from our decisions. Going back to that list in those times when we are feeling discouraged would hopefully bring us back to perspective.

      Thanks for reading! :)

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  4. I completely agree. I often have the argument with myself. When I see other moms doing either thing, I don't question their decision. I just need to be more confident in my own.

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