I can feel my face getting hotter. I know everyone can see the glaring red, indicating that I am embarassed. And I am. I am completely and utterly embarassed. Why am I here? I am inadequate. I don't belong.
These thoughts were running through my head long before I had even arrived. I had judged myself and I had judged the women I was about to meet. I had made assumptions that left me feeling that I didn't belong. It was enough to make me want to turn around but the embarassment of not showing up also weighed down on me.
I told myself again and again 'be confident', 'be you', that is enough. Yet walking in, that pep talk meant nothing.
When I got there it was just as I had imagined. They were all more prepared, wiser, smarter... they were all better. How could I fit in to that? So when my turn came to speak I froze. I stumbled with my words and felt like a fake. I wasn't good enough. Why couldn't I be confident? Why couldn't I be okay with where I am at...with my own personal accomplishments and successes?
Comparison had taken over. Comparison had overwhelmed my emotions and thoughts. Comparison became jealousy which became a sense of worthlessness...a complete lack of confidence.
The ugly results of comparison. How terribly they affect me and how they in turn affect all my relationships around me.
The fear of others is so strongly in our minds at times. The fear of what they think of us, of how they will judge us. But why? Why does it matter? Our worth can only come from one source. Our worth comes from our Father, Our Holy Father. HIS judgment is the only one that matters. Breaking down this fear takes courage. It takes relying on Him through it all. It takes trust... trust in Him.
Before allowing that comparison to overcome you and to take over, like it did for me -- take the time to pray and surrender it to God. God has placed you the way you are with your talents, abilities, strengths, and weaknesses exactly as they should be. I failed to do this but am reminded of the beauty it can be to lean on God completely in every situation.
You are the way you are because God has made you that way. And you are enough.
Be confident, dear sister, that you are enough.
**Read my article here on the Dangers of Comparison .