Dear Mama, You Are Not a Failure

Dear Mama,

Your baby was diagnosed.
Failure to thrive.

Oh mama. Please don't misunderstand this.

This is not a diagnosis for you. The 'failure' is not meant for you or your worth or your mama skills or all you are trying to do for your baby.

The 'failure' is just for thriving. Just for eating. And you know what? After coming out of a warm, mamas womb, being fed by a cord - eating isn't easy.

And mama. That's not you.

I know. I know you tried or are trying to nurse. I know you did or are pumping day and night. I know you are bottle feeding and/or tube feeding trying to get every calorie in that you possibly can. I know you are waking up all hours of the night. I know you are counting each and every oz going into your baby. I know you are stressing about doctors appointments and weight checks and test results. I know.

I've been there mama.

But please my dear mama. You are not a failure.

You are not a failure because your baby didn't want to latch.
You are not a failure because your Milk supply just wasn't enough.
You are not a failure because your baby was too weak to suck.
You are not a failure because your baby liked the bottle better.
You are not a failure because your baby needed a tube to be fed.
You are not a failure because your baby lost more weight then they should have.
You are not a failure because you had to feed your baby in a way you did not plan, whether bottle or tube.
You are not a failure.

Please dear Mama, no matter what. Don't forget that.

You are the perfect mama for your baby. And your tiny baby - the tiniest of all of them - he/she needs you. YOU. And all that you have and are doing for your tiny baby? It's enough.

You, dear mama, are not a failure.


  1. This text got me. I was crying so hard. To be a mother is so hard these days. I got the feeling, that the more advantages we have in technical things, the more we regress ourselves. Motherhood could be so easy these days, because of all the devices we have. But we made it hell with our society, where everyone knows better than the mother herself, how to treat and feed her child. And all thats left are devastated mothers, who dont know if they can do anything right. I went this way and I know exactly how it feels. Thats why I want to thank you for this text, I hope it will reach a lot of young women, who are unsure about herself. When my milksupply decreased and I had to start feeding formula, I had to argue so much about it and everyone knew, that I hadn´t tried enough – even if they dind´nt knew me. Don´t let anybody alienate you. And for all moms, who have no choice but to feed formula I can recommend an organic one from I handled my mommy guilt better when knowing I chosed the best formula I could find.
    I whish all moms, who are reading this, a wonderfull and blessed time with their families!


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